I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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