you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize