Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
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Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
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So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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