I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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