Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
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That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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