So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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