I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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