Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
True strength comes from lack of pants
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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