Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
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I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
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Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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