Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
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I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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