Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize