im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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