If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize