how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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