if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
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I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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