His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize