Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize