He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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