Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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