Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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