I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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