Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
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I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
This house was built for laser tag.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
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He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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