dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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