I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
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Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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