Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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