gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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