If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My cat gives me a boner
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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