But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
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Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
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We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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