do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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