Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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