my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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