He asked to "fluff my boner.."
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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