I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
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We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
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He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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