I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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