Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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