I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
