doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
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One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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