This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
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i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
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Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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