I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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