so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize