we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
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That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
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Do I have a choice?
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Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
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Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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