Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
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Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
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I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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