It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
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Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
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Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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