I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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