When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
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Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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