I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
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There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
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He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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