is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
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She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
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You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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