I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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