I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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