woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
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My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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