we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
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the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I know her cup size but not her name....
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